Saturday evening, as I pulled up to the AirBNB where I was staying in Dayton, I got a phone call from my wife. She told me that my dad had been taken to the hospital. It was late, and I was more than 250 miles away. Not wanting to fall asleep at the wheel, I stayed the night and left early Sunday morning.
When I got to the hospital, he was already unresponsive. Apparently, one of his artificial joints had become infected, and the infection spread into his blood system. He’d already had one operation, and on Tuesday, he was to undergo a second to remove the artificial shoulder he’d gotten just last fall. Unfortunately, that surgery—and the antibiotics he’d been receiving all along—failed to improve his situation.
He never regained consciousness, and on Wednesday, my brothers and sisters (there are six of us in all), decided to remove the tubes and move him to hospice care. My brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews (there are lots of them, too) set up a schedule so that someone would be with him at all times. I stayed with him overnight on Saturday. He passed away Sunday afternoon.
This was a shock to all us. My mother passed away just last December, but he seemed to be dealing well with that. He was planning to golf this summer—he was as avid a golfer as I am an amateur radio operator—and sell his house and move to a condo. My wife and I had taken him out to eat a week before, and he seemed to be in good health and good spirits.
But, my purpose for writing this is not to tell that story. It’s to show you what kind of a man he was. He was an incredibly loving and supportive man. We have a big family, but I don’t think that he and my mother missed a single baseball game or play or whatever that my nephews and nieces were a part of.
As for me, I wouldn’t have gotten an amateur radio license or become an electronics engineer if it wasn’t for him. When I was a kid, he was into hi-fi equipment and built a bunch of kits. As a result, he subscribed to Popular Electronics and Electronics Illustrated magazines, which fueled my interest in electronics and amateur radio. At one point, I took over his basement workshop, even sleeping on a cot down there. I don’t ever remember him complaining about that or prohibiting me from doing so.
When I got my ticket, he helped me dig a hole and pour the concrete for the eight-ft. pipe that held up my 14AVQ vertical. He also drilled the hole in the wall through which I routed the RG-8 coax.
He didn’t complain at all when I mounted a tripod on the roof to support the 2m halo I built to work the guys in the Hazel Park Amateur Radio Club on 2m AM. And, when I needed some transformer oil for the Heathkit Cantenna that I built, a five-gallon drum of the stuff appeared a couple of days after I spoke to him about it.
He was a graduate of the engineering school of the University of Detroit, and he helped me navigate my way there after I graduated from high school. I was incredibly naïve about college admissions, but with his help, I was able to get a partial scholarship to attend U-D.
He helped me in so many big and little ways while I went there. For example, one year, I blew the head gasket in my 1968 Mercury Montego. I needed that car to get to school and to my coop job. Over the Christmas holiday, he helped me replace that head gasket, giving up whatever plans he had. (I say that he helped me, but of course, he did the bulk of the work, so I should really say that I helped him.) We’d run out there, work on the car for ten to fifteen minutes, come back inside and warm up our hands, then repeat the process.
I’m really going to miss him. I’m 64 now, but I’d often rely on his advice, for things big and small. At the funeral, the priest said something that I’d been thinking about the past few days. He said, “When your parents die, you realize that now you have to be the adult.” I hope that I can now be the man that my dad was.
John McGrath says
I am sorry for your loss, Dan.
Losing one is difficult; two in one year I could imagine is devastating.
Dave New, N8SBE says
I’m sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is hard, but being a guy and losing your dad can really knock your bearings out from under you. I remember feeling adrift when my dad passed, like I had lost an anchor to my life.
Take care.
Rob W4ZNG says
Dan, I’m so sorry to hear of your father’s passing. Thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.
Don Gamble says
My condolences Dan.
Your father sounds like he was a great Dad.
Rebecca K1BKY says
My condolences Dan to you and your family.
Saulo - PY7EG says
I am sorry for your loss, Dan.
Tom Gioia - KE8HUM says
Very sorry for your loss Dan.
Your remembrance of him speaks volumes as to his character and of the relationship you shared. May he Rest In Peace.
Dan KB6NU says
Thanks, everyone, for your kind words. I appreciate it.
Dustin N8RMA says
So sorry to hear about your loss Dan – I can imagine this is not an easy time. We’ll be keeping you and your family close in our thoughts and prayers.
Barry Brown says
Sorry to see this article, Dan – but glad to see he was so involved and interested in you! God blessed you, for sure. My Daddy died 4 years ago (and my Mom died when I was 23, in 1985), so yes, it is a weird feeling now that they’re both gone. I look forward to seeing them in Heaven, though, because they loved Jesus so much.
Praying for you and your family.
Ned Rubin W4NED says
So sorry for the loss of your dad. I am sure he was a wonderful father and a great Elmer! R.I.P. SK
Bob, W6BP says
Please accept my condolences for your loss, Dan. Your father sounds like a great guy.
Jack Vaughan says
Thanks for sharing these memories. Very moving. Best home awaiting in the sky. -Jack V.
Kat (W0UM) says
So sorry to hear about your dad. I have wonderful memories about my dad who passed away back in 1989. I had a great relationship with mine also. You wrote a beautiful article about him, and I’m sure he’s looking down on you with pride for all the great things you have done in his footsteps. Keeping you and your family in our prayers. May he rest in peace.
John KD0JPE says
My father told me once that as long as he was alive, I was still a kid. I guess you and I are both adults now.
Sorry for your loss.
Theo - SV2BBK says
My condolences on the loss of your dad Dan. It is never easy to lose a parent, no matter their age. May you find comfort in the beautiful and happy memories you shared with your dad.
Larry Works says
Thanks for sharing Dan. Never met him but I do know you and feel you often channel his support and approval to follow your passion no matter where it leads. Maybe you “…have to be the adult.”. But never ever lose the kid in you driving the desire to keep on learning new stuff every day. Take time to take care of yourself my friend. Be well.
Don says
Sorry for you lost Dan.
Most of us wish to be the parent that we’ve lost. Here here to trying to fill those shoes.
73
Bruce says
Hi Dan,
It has been awhile since I dialed up your blog so today I thought I would and saw your post on the passing of your dad. I wanted to express that I am sorry for your loss. Reading your post I can tell you were very close and he will be greatly missed by you and your family. I wish I had words that I could pen here that would take away the pain but unfortunately I don’t. All I can offer is that if you need anything please don’t hesitate to contact me.
73
-Bruce KE8FSP
Annette Witte says
Dan thanks for sharing your thoughts and memories. As your younger sister, not at all interested in electronics, I really didn’t know all that you were up to but I do know that Dad was supportive of our drives and endeavors. I enjoyed reading about all your little projects (although I have not a clue what your collection of letters mean.) We are all unique and strong and confident, each in our own way because mom and dad allowed us the freedom to be. And even though their health was failing, their spirits were/are strong. They will be terribly missed.
william "JR" maxwell says
/Dan, so sorry you lost your dad. I lost my Dad and Mother and two brothers in a short time. It is comforting to know others can share their pains and joys. My dad was an electrician and I hated it and hated helping him. So joined the Navy and became an electronics technician flying in planes. You have given so much to us hams, our hearts go out to you. Jr